by Michael Riggs, M.Ed.<\/p>\n
Sitting, eyes-closed, feet up on the ottoman, mentally and physically exhausted from a day of non-stop errands, meetings, calls, favors, practices, and follow-up phone calls, Janice mumbles to herself, \u201cI gotta slow down or something\u2019s gonna give\u2026 I just can\u2019t keep up this pace.\u201d<\/p>\n
In a culture where \u201cmore is better\u201d, piling more commitment onto an already overflowing plate is the norm. One more meeting to help a local charity. One more home party to assist a friend to build her home business. One more trip to the store to get the right birthday gift. One more favor. One more. Each of these \u201cone mores\u201d adds up to \u201ctoo much\u201d. And the result very often becomes high stress, low productivity and no enjoyment.<\/p>\n
Why do we tend to over commit <\/strong>ourselves? At a fundamental level we all like to give assistance to others<\/strong>. Which is a very good thing. The act of caring for other people\u2019s needs strums a cord deep inside each of us that makes us feel<\/strong> good and worthwhile. Helping<\/strong> others<\/strong>, by saying \u201csure I\u2019ll do that for you\u201d validates ourselves, to ourselves. Conversely, when we say \u201cno<\/strong>\u201d to a request of a friend, boss, spouse, or colleague we feel<\/strong> that we are letting them down. And, we feel<\/strong> a sense of guilt for not being there to help<\/strong> out. The usual end result? The guilt wins out and we say \u201cyes, yes, yes\u201d even when it cuts into our own emotional and physical well-being.<\/p>\n But, there is another compelling reason why we are a society of the over committed<\/strong>.<\/p>\n We are all very concerned — often too concerned — with what others<\/strong> think of us. By saying<\/strong> \u201cno<\/strong>\u201d to a help-request, we begin to wonder what the person may be thinking of us. Worries of \u201cHe\u2019s so selfish\u201d, or \u201cShe\u2019s not very nice\u201d, or \u201cIt\u2019s all about Josef\u201d begin to eat into our egos and make us question ourselves and our motivations. In other words, we care so much about what others<\/strong> think of us that we sacrifice<\/strong> our own well-being by refusing to say, \u201cNo, I simply can\u2019t help out with that.\u201d<\/p>\n So what\u2019s the answer?<\/p>\n Set priorities<\/strong> and make decisions that uphold your priorities<\/strong>. Don\u2019t fear that by learning to say \u201cno\u201d<\/strong> you will become a narcissistic self-indulgent with a heart of stone. Quite the contrary, by being more selective with your time and favor you will have more energy and be more authentic when you do engage in helping others<\/strong>. You will truly be at your best, bringing your best, to those that request your help<\/strong>.<\/p>\n S\u00b2 Tip<\/strong><\/p>\n When you feel<\/strong> stretched too thin worth your time and energy, learn to reply with a guilt-free \u201cNo<\/strong>, I simply can\u2019t help<\/strong> with that.\u201d<\/p>\n In Another\u2019s Words\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThe art of leadership is saying no<\/strong>, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.\u201d Related Articles:<\/p>\n Setting Priorities<\/a><\/p>\n Jump-start your career by setting priorities, identifying talents<\/a><\/p>\n Setting Priorities- Adapt a path<\/a><\/p>\n Setting Priorities for Life<\/a><\/p>\n
\n\u2013 Tony Blair, British prime minister<\/p>\n